I just need a prayer

I began to understand the book of Job slowly now. I'm having severe back pain now. It affects my breathing and my left hand movement. I posted this in FaceBook. Only two people offered their prayer to me while others were analyzing the cause of the pain and if I say something some replied me "faith without deeds in nothing". How ironic that people can use scripture for their own benefit, benefit in defending their analysis is correct.

The cause of my back pain is more towards the bed's slats were put wrongly! This has caused my bed sink in the middle! Moreover, I do not have a flat platform on top of the slats! How ironic again that this seminary is lead with a lot of 'doctors'! but do not know how to put a bed slats! Second cause is of course the mattress itself which has been used for more than 10 years. If we ask for a change, it will be replaced from the one in the store room. What is the point?! To change a new one perhaps it will took months to be replaced. Need to go through a lot of meetings perhaps to decide whether need to buy a new mattress or not! Is not that I do not try, but this is the nature of this place and the system here! If we ask for a better one, perhaps the students will be judge why we asking for a luxury stuff and began to tell their old story 30 years ago! Moreover the mattress is neither made from latex or fiber. It's just a foam! Imagine it has been used for more than 10 years by more than 100 people include some campers!

Anyway, I find explaining all these is meaningless. Perhaps, it is better for the three friends of Job to continue remain in silent rather that start their speeches and analyzing what happened to Job, maybe he has sinned against God or just be patient during this suffering. I think, none of them can understand Job more than God and Job himself.

All I need is just a prayer that God will heal me not analyzing from people! It is easier to say. Try and feel the pain!

God please heal,

Isaac

knowledg-ed but no wisdom?

Since I am free now, let me update my blog now and share what is in my mind..:D

In my wisdom literature class, I learnt that wisdom is not about head knowledge but how we deal with our daily practical life.

I don't know whether is this funny, but this is what I observed in STM itself! There are a lot of intelligent people here. Knowledgeable, very passionate especially during debate to prove their ideas is right and etc and etc.

Imagine this situation, an intelligent person who obtained a doctorate in their lives and do not know how to use simple things such as a microphone or even handling a projector! This is what I observed. Do we need a PhD in handling a microphone? Isn't it is a sad thing where you have the most knowledge and couldn't handle simple things in life. What hidden curriculum that we can learn from here if the hidden curriculum is so important? Just focus on study and filling our mind and ignore the small and simple practical things?

Children and Adult

Last 2 weeks, Ps. Stella was preaching about Children Worship in FCC. One thing I discovered and I asked myself why I didn't see this during my research. I keep on finding facts to prove that children can worship. But one question is that whose problem when the child could not worship? Is the adult! not the children. The children are not given the chance to worship together in the service.

I was leading worship in the chapel today. I sang hymns and one song that I've sung during the Children Worship Conference. I arranged the songs in the way the songs would give us the feel. One hymns that I sang is "Joyful Joyful We Adore thee". I find that most of the time when we sing this in chapel, is more solemn or more lamenting. How can we sing Joyful song with lament mode?! The form of the music indeed plays an important part in worship. I'm not saying that I use music to psycho the people to worship, or to stir their feeling, but this is the gift of God that has been given to people and we use it. The modern form of music shows another important thing that playing piano alone will not show us; team work! Why people in STM complain that the worship is so noisy? Obvious reason is that we do not have good sound system!

I've been out of topic now. But that is what I am struggling here too. Back to children and adult. Second song that I sang is "I will offer up my life" by Matt Redman. The struggle when I was leading in STM is almost the same in All Saints' Cathedral, difficult to get the people to sing whereby in Psalms it is a command to worship HIM! I sensed that the atmosphere is so different in chapel just now. Not all, but some are so skeptical while worshiping. When we sang this song in the Children Conference, the atmosphere was so different. I personally cried and was touched by the Spirit. I felt the strong assurance in God while worshiping with the children. But I can't sense it just now. I think is because of the simplicity of the faith.

May the Lord have mercy on us.

Isaac

Learning Theology through Steward Group Duty

Theology that learned through book I think is only stop at head but not hands. Theology, I think, is best learned through the simple thing that we do in our daily lives. I remembered my first day in All Saints' Cathedral for practical, I asked one question "how can I learn theology through folding the bulletins?"

Last week was my steward group's turn to do our duty. I was so encourage by one of the members, saying that she is so happy whenever she saw the forks and spoons are so organized because she said that she knew that this person must have "use his heart" (transliteration from Chinese) or put in effort in doing this, and she said that in STM I'm the only person who does that. Then I gave a reason to her, how can we study Systematic Theology and we do not behave systematically? Through this act, I know that God is an organized God. Just look at how He plans for the Ark. Therefore, I always sigh when I saw the forks and spoons are in a mess!

Second thing that I can put my theology into practice during duty is that God is a God of grace or perhaps He is not a calculative God. If He is calculative, then all of us will live under His wrath! Even single thing that we do will be wrong even though we think that it is right. I say this because every meal in STM we seemed to have only 20mins to eat. After 20mins, second bell will ring and the door will be closed. I've observed that some people really so particular with the time because if many people are still eating then they can wash less. They are so calculative! I think the vision of our student body is not clear to the community here, "Sharing God's grace". I told my group members that they can ring the bell, BUT not close the door. Washing few more plates won't makes any difference after having washed all other plates! Don't be so calculative. Share the grace. I think we have to think like this: we have been served by five different steward groups and we serve for one week only. Compare the 5 times you receive and 1 time you give. Why do we need to be so calculative!

Theology affects methodology. How you treat people or how you behave affect your understanding about God.

James 2:18 But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds."

Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.

Isaac

Is my mind polluted or the people?

Before I enter the seminary, I have this in mind that the life in seminary will be better than the outside world. Things go to the opposite side. Sometimes people in seminary are far more worst than the people at outside. I really could not imagine this because the seminary is a place where all the future pastors and priest to be trained! How come it has not become a place where it suppose to show the character of a loving Christ?!

Is my mind too perfect or naive, or is the problem with people? Or perhaps seminary is just a place for academic rather than training up our faith?

Isaac

He Knows

I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in his hands

I have a Father
He calls me His own
He'll never leave me
No matter where I go

He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And He hears me when I call

He knows my pain, he knows each tears that fall, he knows and he knows.

Isaac

Semester 1 Year 2

This semester is ending tomorrow. So, what have I learned? Am I still the same like last year did not learn any spiritual thing but only academic from STM? This semester I have changed my perception. I've learned spiritually. A lot indeed. I think, I have learned more in my character building through STM be it academically, spiritually or through fellowship with friends and lecturer. Just share something that I've learned:

1. Mark subject - This is the first thing to share not because I got a good mark for MARK from Dr. KY, but is because through out the process, I learned one thing which is very important: are we an outsider or insider. Studying theology, are we closer to God or further away from God even though we always study His word daily; or will we be like the women at the end of Mark, run away because they were afraid? This subject really challenges my life as Christian, a disciple and minister of God.

2. Fear God and obey His commandment - As I've shared in previous entry, even though the world seems to be unfair to the righteous, even though the wise and fool have the same destiny, those who chose to fear God are far wiser than those who did not.

3. Remember God - While I was preparing my Homiletics' preaching assignment on Joshua 5, one of the things that I reflected is Remembering God especially mentioning about circumcision and we have been talking of this for a month!! potong potong!! Although we guys always joke about it, but one thing that I reflected through the word circumcision is that it is not only the sign of covenant that God has made to Abraham, but is also a sign for us to remember God. Here is the "18sx" explanation. I believe guys will always see his "little brother" whenever we go to toilet and do our small business or "pay our water bill". Whenever we pay our water bill, we will see the mark of covenant (if you are circumcised). I though of, whenever the Jews saw this, they remember why they being circumcised. And this is how I memorized the hebrew word for rememberזָכַר, zakar. You can check this word in internet.:D

Hmm..After all, studying theology is not only fun, but we have to reflect it in our lives.

Happy Holiday.

Isaac