This semester is the toughest one to me. My spiritual life was so down and so dry. Relationship with God was cooled down. I've lost my first love feeling with God. I procrastinated and compromised a lot this semester. I find it very difficult to wake up early in the morning to do my devotion. It is not that I am legalistic with my life, but towards the end of the semester as I was doing my assignment, God reminded me that spiritual discipline will affect my spiritual life. I've totally lost the momentum in my life. I've lost the discipline in my life. Many things surrounding me reminds me and challenged me to be more discipline spiritually, but I ignored all that.
What have I learnt in this period of wilderness?
The most important thing is relationship with God. I these period, I hardly pray and read the bible. Until one point of life, I wonder what kind of relationship I have with God. I feel awkward when I want to talk to God back. Perhaps this was how the devil deceived me, or it is just my problem. Relationship with God which was affected, affects my relationship as well.
Another thing is that a person can be "unspiritual" and yet handle the word of God. This is what I have gone through this semester. But, there is such an emptiness with the results that you have. The Word is not the lively word anymore.
One theological question I have in mind since the beginning of the semester is, "Can a community affect a person spiritual life or worship?" Right now I am still searching for the answer. It really affect me a lot until the point that I won't partake in the Holy Communion with this community anymore.
Every experiences, God has something to tell me. Even though this journey is tough and lonely, I thank God that I am out of this wilderness. One thing I always fear just like David when he committed sin is that the Lord will cast me away from his presence and take away His Holy Spirit from me (Psalm 51:11).
May God continue guide me in this journey. One semester to go. May he grant me strength and wisdom.
So Help Me God