It's a dilemma to me on the other hand as I studying His words and yet I do not want to have relationship with Him. It was a hard time to me. It was a struggle. I even come to point take it academicly rather than spiritually.
I adviced people not to compare, but I myself compared myself to other people. Comparing to other people can really lead us complain to God that we not have enough. Indeed it is human nature that we can never be satisfied with what we have. We want more and more. We desire more. Desire is really a dangerous thing. I still haven't overcome my desire to have good stuff, as I still not satisfy with things I have not, and I will never be satisfy. I read this book by John Piper, he quoted from 1 John 2: 16 which tells me whether I am from the Father or not. "For all that is in the world— the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world."
I really want to desire the feeling of desiring Jesus and be fully satisfy with it. It is hard to me eventhough I understand it. I need to experience it. My question is always, "how Lord?" Until now I still searching for it.
One of the answers that convicted me is this question, "Why do you have to be like others?" It is amazing that God can speaks to you eventhough you are trying to ignore him. Yes, why do I have to be like others. Why must I compare with others? Though the amount of blessings I received from others is deifferent, but the amount of grace we receive is the same, that is the price that was paid on the cross.
If we say we are special, comparism shouldn't come in. My life is not built on people's blessings nor also my faith. I really hope that I can find that enlightenment that when I desire Jesus, full satisfaction comes upon me and I can overcome the world!
Would like to end this with a quote from John Piper on how worldly things can corrupt us.
"When we don't have what we want, the world corrupts us with covetousness. And when we do have what we want the world corrupts us with pride."